Sunday, April 30, 2006


....[*[updates]*]....

i haven't posted in a while because i was so fucking busy... (notice the harsh word) I haven't had real time for myself.. and if I did.. it ends soon enough like it was only a split second. Let me give a few recaps regarding my whole week:

1. Hero TV recording and music video making - a new experience and something cool too ayt? Let me tell you this.. I'm proud and happy but also dead tired at the same time.. i think i told you before that the call time was at 3am.. well yeah.. 3am is my bedtime.. as expected, i didn't get any sleep at all.. i couldn't sing well enough and i wasn't happy with the result.. >_< add to that... I experienced a VERY VERY sharp migraine during the afternoon.. as it turned out.. while Neil was recording all the guitar thingies for our music.. i was fast asleep... on the floor.. and when I woke up.. my headache hadn't changed at all.. add to that, X the drummer got my picture while sleeping.. it looked like something you could post at a porn website.. thanks a lot! >_< oh wells...

i realized i couldn't go home alone because of the stupid migraine thing.. but i knew i had to.. no one can accompany me back home.. it was so scary.. while going home.. i couldn't see the road.. i was almost hit by a car.. damn.. >_<

Music video? fun! i love taking pictures of myself but i realized that I am still camera-shy after all.. i couldn't move.. hahah they couldn't get any emotions from me >_< maybe it was because of the hot lighting and several cameras.. or the stress.... i'm not for showbiz after all.. hahah! sir eric kept on calling me jessica jones, jonita jones, and in the end.. angelica jones! i don't look like her at all.. waaahhh!

maybe the music video will turn out funny.. :p as for the interview... i found myself saying all sorts of stuffs which doesn't make any sense at all.. gracious.. hahah!

2. The double internship thing - i was accepted at hmmm... a survey company.. i don't wanna divulge because some people can actually reach my blog if they searched for the company name. The experience was... HORRIFYING. yeah.. that wasn't really the exact word but that was an understatement for me.. first.. commuting was really hard.. at least 3 hours everyday.. pocket strain and emotionally draining.. the environment wasn't good also.. it brought about a certain health decline for me.. asthma attacks.. sharp migraine attacks everyday.. add to that.. the office looked like a certain dungeon for me.. some employees were kind... but others? they were !@#$%#$@@#$$#@@#$##$%!%#%^& - got the point? i don't wanna go back anymore.. actually my dad told me to stop going there... he couldn't entertain the idea of me going there everyday... yeah my sister told my parents everything..

i should have been contented with mam mateo.. wah! she's so kind.. >_<

3. Ongaku Project:Old School New school
with my health declining, too much work, and severe cough.. i couldn't concentrate on practices.. in fact.. i'm still memorizing the songs on the very same day of the gig.. sheesh.. add to that.. i forgot some of the lyrics while singing.. i'm so sorry... *cries* i've done everything i could.. although some people congratulated and told me that the performance was great and astounding... i couldn't get over it.. good thing that my microphone was not loud and the lyrics that i forgot were those with ann and nice.. i guess that my faults were unnoticed after all... i'll post some videos after i've uploaded everything

all the bands were great! ermm.. especially the very person that i'm stalking.. >_< hahah! the venue was hot.. had another migraine attack... my cough got worse.. i'm sort of claustrophobic so it was a bad thinga.. what else? ah! i was expecting certain people but they never came.. especially meowmeow.. i kept looking everywhere hoping that he decided to suprise me and came after all.. but he was never that type of person... i kept looking at some guy because it looked like him but i ended up embarassed because the guy noticed.. it wasn't him.. >_<

4. TS Online
I became addicted to this online game in such a short while.. it was something different.. PS RPG Style.. well almost.. summons... wah! i loved it! uhm.. i'm not so sure where to buy its load though.. help! my username? YurikaMisumaru.. an orange haired fellow.. hahah! I can lend you my installer if you want to try it! just leave a message in my tagboard!

5. Current Health
bad.. very bad... bleeding (literally) for 3 weeks already because of over low blood.. bruises kept popping anywhere.. all day migraine attacks.. slight insomnia.. blurring vision.. am i still normal??? I need to go and see a doctor immediately.. i'm paranoid already...

uhm.. i guess that my post became too long.. i'll try to update again next time...



Ran 6:33 AM



Thursday, April 20, 2006


....[*[jitters and rants]*]....

i was wondering why my blog meter visitor count suddenly rose up.. and when i checked it.. i realized that it was because of the naruto thingie that i did...my link was posted in a naruto site.. thanks for that! ^-^

pre-recording jitters... we're having a recording/video session for hero tv along with the other bands.. and it makes me nervous since the call time is at 3 am... which is... my bedtime! and my voice will probably falter because hello??! wee hours of the morning... (somebody told me that my voice sounds like a croaky grandma froggy at wee hrs of the morning) oh well... wish us luck! ^_^

currently not in the mood to memorize the songs for the ongaku session... When we practiced today.. i was the only one who managed to sing out of tune most of the time... probably because i was sooo dang tired. I hope i'll get out of this mess soon enough... performance slated for next week... wah!!! i need to pick up the pieces!!!

as if that wasn't enough... we'll still have to practice for the may 5 event of hero in splash island... waaahh! vacation... where art thou? can i eat you?

currently suffering because of my own stupidity... i chose to have a double internship this summer because i couldn't get by without doing anything.. hahah! special request from some stupid girl like me... >_< nonetheless i love the experience i'm getting from it! masochist! >_<

i don't want to rant anymore... coz i'm the one who imposed these stuffs to myself anyway... :D



Ran 3:55 AM



Sunday, April 16, 2006


....[*[Easter Sunday Rants -Tale of a Kitty]*]....

Once upon this very lovely day.. my stupid big brother stepped on my kitty upon entering my room.. alas! since the kitty was so small.. it cried and cried... it was suddenly paralyzed... her eyes half closed, and the mouth was open...

she was gasping for air.. and was already pooping her way to death...

I couldn't look at her...

so i ran and cried... (i'm not exaggerating... i love my lil kitten!)

my 2 brothers and sister were crying too... (we love the kitten!) my brother was yelling these exact words over and over while wailing.. "what have i done kitty? i'm so bad! i can't forgive myself!")

i thought my dearest kitty died already... and then suddenly.. she sprang back to life!

I couldn't believe what happened... in fact, her tummy became smaller already and became thinner in such a shot while.. how come?

i refused to believe it until i was able to hug her again and she on the other hand purred...

my dearest kitty... alive again...

if you've just seen her before that... she was as good as dead...

I declared it as an easter sunday miracle!

I love you Lord!

Happy Easter Everyone!

And no I'm not kidding.. this story really happened today....

I went to my dermatologist today for a facial cleaning session... and yeah... it really hurts.. my face is all red and swollen... >_<

vain vain vain... but i really couldn't bear to see my face like that anymore.. and so i had to go under such drastic measures... and after everything that happened... stress.. my kitty... i think i deserved it anyway... heheh so much for rants.. i'll post our gig details sometime... ^_^ thanks for reading!



Ran 7:37 AM



Saturday, April 15, 2006


....[*[naruto digital art]*]....

I'm done with my 2 naruto wallpaper thingie... i did the artwork myself... oh yeah, i think i mentioned already that it is supposed to be a grown up version of naruto.. ^_^ i made the lineart on my drawing pad, scanned it, then colored it with ULEAD photo express... the background was done from adobe photoshop.. :D you can visit my DA gallery where it is posted:

http://sorceressran.deviantart.com

I am currently chatting with anne.. my fellow trance member... and she gave me a list of gig lineups... which i thought were too many for me to handle.. considering that i'm planning a double internship this summer... i'll post the details soon enough! byebye for now! ^_^



Ran 6:55 AM



Friday, April 14, 2006


....[*[Some things?]*]....

currently doing two digital naruto artwork... well it's actually some futile attemot of mine to make naruto older... >_< heheh in case you guys don't know... i am actually obsessed over naruto... (the character)... weird right? just when everybody's drooling over sasuke, i on the other hand is starry eyed over naruto the adorable fellow :D

errr.. right... speaking of insan obsessions... I am currently drooling over the song BLAZE from Tsubasa Chronicles and its singer... Kotani Kinya >_< the song really makes my knees wobble... i love it! i wish somebody can sing like kinya... *drool* i'd be too happy to bearhug and glomp someone who'll be able to give justice to the song!!! hahah! although... i'd be the first one to hang them upside down in case they didn't.. heheh

Kinya is also the singing voice of Shuichi from gravitation... i love him coz he's full of emotion when he sings... great voice too! here are some of his pics: ^_^

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

and here are my pics... with the new hair color... which is actually louder in actuality! hahah!

Image hosting by Photobucket

Image hosting by Photobucket

err... yeah! that's it for now.. :D



Ran 9:23 AM



Thursday, April 13, 2006


....[*[Some random stuffs]*]....

currently stuck with reading fanfictions as of now... so far... three of them really made me cry.. hahah! gah! damn... those authors surely were good...

titles? well... one is called "jagged ambers" , two is entitled "haunted" and three "a black rose" .... the third one was something that really got into me... errr.. the fic tackled angst as against incest.. it was really a dark fic and it certainly haunted me for days. I'm telling yah, you should go read it.. i wish i have that kind of talent for angsty stuffs.. hahah! >_<

call me crazy but i think my hair color gets louder each day.. >_< i totally forgot that the brand that was used on my hair was a japan-made one... connection? well duh, they want their hair color as loud as possible... certainly the first thing that will come to your mind when you see me would be... CORN! gee! talk about a certain past with corns...

wanna hear about it?

i dressed up as a corn during our s-day period... hahah! mind you, it was in front of jollibee philcoa.. and we're all dancing like crazy people.. waving at every vehicle that passes by... makes me feel embarassed up to now... but i could proudly say that I was once a very good laughing stock! hahah!

that's about it.. i'd probably post a chronicle thingie here.. coz i'm currently bitter... i really really need to spill it out.. (well i'll secretly pray that he'll stumble upon this blog so that he'll finally discover what i had kept as a burden for like 4 years already... i can't move on... )

i'd probably post this thing over and over again:


I did all my best to catch up to you...

Which of course wasn't possible at all.

No matter how hard I ran....

You were always miles ahead.

No matter how far I reached out my hand...

All I ever grasped was air.

The distance between us kept growing and growing..

And I can feel everything falling apart.



Ran 10:21 AM



Wednesday, April 12, 2006


....[*[random rants]*]....

Found myself in another deep pile of dung.. hah!

That same piece of shit will be the end of my life.period.

Sunday: just came from a VERY tiresome trip... i never slept until 2:30 am came because I had to go to school at 6:00 am (took a bus at 4:00 am, the trip took about 2 hrs) I was disappointed upon arriving at school because apparently, the line already started at 6pm the other day (talk about addicts)... and as expected... i never got what I wanted... STUPID!

Well... i was very bitter because EON corporate communications, IBON foundation and others accepted us (wena and cams) as interns... but ma'am Umali told us that we cannot move from where we were originally enlisted (i was supposed to Ma'am Mateo's intern---UP admin office.) She was pissed off and told us to blame some 10 students who ruined everything.. hah!

to those 10 students... may all misfortunes come your way.. >_< (bitter mode on)

anyway.. she suggested that we take double internship instead... gah! double??? how the hell am i going to do that?

well... being stupid and idiotic as i am... i took the challenge.. hah! i'll just hope that ma'am mateo will agree.. >_< coz it's all up to her... if she does... we're going to apply at SWS... ^_^ weeee! i'll be a zombie again for a couple of months if that happens. ^^


I'm currently not in the mood to study all the songs that we're supposed to sing come april 29... all i did was surf the net, download and read fanfics... YAOI fanfics for that matter! ahahahah!

and I'm currently THANKING my MOMMY again for giving in to our demands... hahaha! a new HP All in one printer! a printer/scanner/photocopier all in one... I wonder what got into her? >_< for that... more artworks to be uploaded!!!! *evil laugh*

but i was the one who bought the card reader... wah... 1000php worth of my money..

>_< apparently.. the usb cable of my digicam was lost.. and i needed the friggin digicam so i had to buy a card reader!!! waaaahhhh!


err yeah... congratulations to meowmeow for making the scholar's list... woah! 11000 for a kickback? not bad! hahah! although when i asked for a kickback too.. he told me... "a kick in the back maybe?" waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

and since i'm in bitter mode for like forever... i colored my hair once again!!! hahahah!!! and it's too damn loud i'm telling yah! :p I'll post a pic soon enough!!

till then... tata for now!



Ran 7:50 AM



Sunday, April 09, 2006


....[*[Stuffs]*]....

finally updated my artworks.. gah! heheh how could I.. when there are more important things to do first? >_<

and i'm finally getting the hang of being a DA subscriber.. >_<

anyway... I'm currently busy practicing and memorizing all the songs for ongaku fest this coming april 29.. wah! 5 songs all and all... too bad for me.. coz i'm still brain dead..

by the way.. here are the details.. hope some of you could come!

Ongaku Project: Old School, New School

With Live Performances by:
NEOtaku, PROGENY, Yaoi Senshi Mantoman,
Do 'Ahou, 0% Off, and tRANCE

Featuring Up-and-Coming Acts:
Himitsu Heiki, New Fallen Snow, YumBuh!,
Ethereal Anthem, Paradoxical Review, and Shake Well Before Using

Plus Cosplay, Auctions, and Freebies!

April 29, 2006 / 5:00 PM / Harmony Bar
Annapolis Street, Greenhills, San Juan
Tix at Php 120 @ and comes with a beer!


i came from the tRANCE group.. heheh and I'm going as Lili from Tekken 5.. no use hiding it anyways right? >_< we're going to sing 2 songs from yakitate japan... and the others? well... *smiles*

wah! enrollment for my internship tomorrow... i was supposed to contact hero tv but apparently.. i forgot! *cries* oh well....



Ran 7:52 AM



Thursday, April 06, 2006


....[*[Now what?]*]....

I don't really know..

better pick up the pieces or else...

or else what?

Nah.. just having a bad time... just thought I had to get some sleep but I couldn't.. wished I had more time but I can't afford to...

I never looked at myself in the mirror in the same way again... the dark circles around my eyes made all the difference.. hahah! looking at it in a sociological perspective... dark circles for me meant having no social life.. >_<

what else?

ah! travelled for three hours last wednesday just to find out that I had nothing to do there after all.. but i'm not bitter..

because of that, i immediately went shopping and bought a pair of red high-heeled shoes which I thought was off coz i never had any dress to fit that.. hahah! what a waste of money.. and i was thinking... last week.. i bought 3 pairs of shoes...

what is up with me and shoes? i dunno.. one thing's for sure... i'm getting obsessed...

just wanna thank my mom.. coz she bought a new PC for us on the spot.. never thought she would actually give in... >_< and apparently.. i also won a free 1 week deviantart subscription, never thought it would actually make my day since i was trying to find out how subscribing works before i actually subscribe and pay... >_<

was banned from gendou... thanks a lot!

uhm... i would like to take this opportunity to say sorry to those people who actually waited for me.. for which I never came... who waited for my reply.. but found no message from me at all... i dunno what's happening to me lately.. can't figure it out myself..

maybe i just needed space.. that's all



Ran 8:29 AM



....[*[bitter mode on]*]....

I did all my best to catch up to you. Which of course wasn't possible at all. No matter how hard I ran, you were always miles ahead. No matter how far I reached out my hand, all I ever grasped was air. The distance between us kept growing and growing..



Ran 8:25 AM



Monday, April 03, 2006


....[*[Genzo's Mad Love]*]....

last one for now!!! I SWEAR!!! hahah! I love Genzo Souga!!! >_< okay.. he's ugly but whadaheck? he's simply adorable :D




Ran 9:55 PM



....[*[Seeing Red]*]....

okay.. another cheeky angel video!!! hahah! I will bombard you with cheeky angel stuffs!!!!





Ran 7:45 AM



Sunday, April 02, 2006


....[*[Tenshi na Konamaiki]*]....

currently in love with this anime! ahahah!




Ran 9:32 PM



....[*[Some stuffs]*]....

.Color of most clothes you own:
~ PINK

2.Number of pillows you sleep with?
~ I need three

3.What room are you in right now?
~ my dad's office

4.What were you doing 12AM last night?
~ surfing the net

5.How old will you be in 10 years?
~ 29

6.What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?
~ uh.. i'm not sure.. ^^

7.Do you have braces?
~ nope..

8.Are you paranoid?
~ most of the time!

9.Describe your wallet?
~ big.. uh.. lost of pictures inside.. 2 IDS, no money inside.. ahaha!

10.Your alarm clock?
~ my phone..

11.Your hair?
~ brown.. my mom intends to have it colored by next week.. XD

12.Tooth brush?
~ pink!

13.What color are your eyes?
~ dark brown..

14.First enemy?
~ i'm not sure...

15.First play/musical/performance?
~ my first piano recital.. i was at kindergarten level

16.Last movie seen in cinema?:
~ Brokeback Mountain.. for my film class

17.Last person you yelled at?
~ my lil bro.. for messing up my room, for scattering all my wigs.. and uh.. marbles around.. with the biidaman thingie

18.Last crush?
~ crush? errr.. ahahah! its a secret! :p

19.Last shoes worn?
~ black boots

20.Last ice cream eaten?
~ strawberry flavored ice cream

21.Last thing written by hand?
~ answers for the content analysis forms

22.Last time wanting to die?
~ while doing commres 165 along with other subjects

23. When was the last time went out @ night?
~ last wednesday, we had a practice with do ahou from 9-11 pm

24. What were you doing last night?
~ uh, surfing the net?

25. Why do you like yourself?
~ coz I'm a narcissistic person san
.
26. What are your plans for tomorrow?
~ go to the parlor, have my hair colored then watch a movie with my sister

27. What was the last thing you won?
~ I forgot.. was it the best debater? i dunno

28. When was the last time you got angry?
~ 5 hours ago

29. What was the last song you heard?
~ uhm.. kokoro biidama by rythem.. hahah!

30. When was the last time you entered a club?
~ 1 year ago..

31. what is it about the opposite sex(physically)
that gets you?
~ weird.. uh.. feet.. hands.. errr.. weird talaga :D smile pwede na rin.. minsan

32. what are the three things that you cannot live
without everyday? (besides oxygen and
water)
~ sweets, phone and my basic kikay kit

33. current music that's playing?
~ kokoro biidama (playing for about 10 times already.. hey, i'm trying to memorize the song!)

34. can you list three things that are taking up
space on your table?
~ laptop, papers, telephone


35. What do you want to do now?
~ eat.. >_<

36. what's the colour of your room?
~ pink!

37. what's the first thing you ate this morning?
~ uh.. bananas, coz I woke up late

38. what shampoo do you use?
~ i don't use the same shampoo everyday.. will make my hair sticky or dry

39. how many people do you have on your
MSN/Yahoo! Messenger friends list?
~ lots of em

40. what's that one music album you never got
over?
~ none in particular

41.favourite day of the week? why?
~ wednesday..coz that's my day-off!

42. did you do anything stupid in the past 24
hours?
~ none that I can think of..

43. did anything useful in the past hour?
~ did a write up for the road safety tables..

43. what's your MSN/Yahoo! id right now?
~ sorceress_ran

44. if you could change your name,what would it
be?
~ nada... i like it the way it is

45. play any musical instruments?
~ piano..

46. favourite letter/s of the alphabet?
~ R.. duh!

47. are you absolutely obvious to your crush?
~ nope, coz i treat everyone the same

48. Gwen Stefani or Ashlee Simpson?
~ none..

49. Do you have any quotes that you live
by?
~ knowing someone doesn't mean keeping them. people change. a person may like pineapple today and something else tomorrow..

50. what do you think about these questions?
~ tiresome! shockingness! 50 questions all in all???



Ran 10:24 AM



....[*[Thoughts in the Middle of the Night]*]....

Thought no. 1:
"Knowing someone doesn't mean keeping them. People change. A person may like pineapple today and something else tomorrow" - Chungking Express

that was one helluva quote.. hahah! Chungking express became my instant favorite after we've watched it in our film class.. i really loved cop no. 1 and tony leung.. plus faye wong of course! now that I can't get over it, i want a copy!!!!

change is the only constant thing in this world.. and i can't deny the fact that i'm a very fickle minded person. however, I'm not that sort of person who doesn't think first before saying or doing something. That's my one main weakness, I always pretend i'LL stick to one sort of thing even if I already knew that doing so would result to something disastrous.

I am currently bitter over this one person... my friend for what? 3-4 years already? who doesn't seem to care if I'm still breathing or not.. hello? what happened?

Thought no. 2

currently under pressure to memorize all 5 songs.. plus we're still in danger of memorizing another 4 for this month if this event pushes through..

anyway.. I'm going as lili from tekken 5 for the ongaku fest thingie.. but where can i buy a footwear which is similar to hers? argh!

Thought no. 3

received half of my salary already.. I've finished content analyzing 200 websites.. but I have only encoded 104 websites so far... gah! more review of related literatures are still needed... (vacation!!! where are you??? can i eat you?)

Thought no. 4

my body clock adjusted already.. I can't sleep early even if I wanted to.. now I'm stuck with this laptop in the wee hours of the morning.. now i'm a "nocturnal person-san"

Thought no. 5

I have to update my fanfic.. but I forgot my story already... which is bad... *laughs*

I NEED TO DRAW!!!!! but my brother murdered my art materials... *laughs again*

Thought no. 6

I'm currently doing an analysis for the tables of specific road safety practices.. but I have no idea about the framework.. now what shall i do? >_<

Thought no. 7

I don't want to think anymore.........



Ran 8:34 AM



....[*[Review of Brokeback Mountain]*]....

hey, i was just glad that I got a 1.25 grade for my film class for this one.. I just thought that my professor was so OC about film reviews (i thought this was going to be oh so low..) but apparently... it turned out okay.. (although she hated the way that it was too formalist in style.. she said that I was lacking in terms of personal reflections.. so there!)

Errr yeah... I used the Ideological Perspective for this one ^_^ just thought it was fitting to do so ^_^


The movie started as two cowboys, Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger), met when they were hired as sheepherders on Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming during summer of 1963. At first, Ennis was the silent one, thus, the film started with a lot a dead air between the two of them, concentrating mostly with the sceneries and what they were doing. Eventually they became at ease with each other, and became friends, until finally, they crossed the boundaries of friendship and became sexually attracted, consequently becoming lovers in the process. After parting, the two lived their own lives, including getting married in the process, until Jack decided to renew their relationship through sending a postcard. The story happened in a span of 20 years, with Ennis' daughter as the reference point for time, since everything that happened shows them as they grew up. Apparently, putting sideburns for Ennis' character and a moustache for Jack to show them as older persons wasn't a good help at all.

Starting with the film's aesthetic qualities, it exhibited a vivid color of green, which was very apparent in most of the film's scenes. The movie boasts of a breathtaking mise-en-scene and cinematography through emphasizing the great sceneries most of the time by using extreme long shots focusing on the mountain and the sky; characters were barely visible and good perspective relations were also emphasized between the sky and road using horizon. The film used slightly canted frames and low angle shots were shown always if the two of them were riding their horses while going up a hill. Close up shots were used during a serious talk between the two men to emphasize their emotions. During the night, there were two techniques, which were used alternatively, one was a red lighting to indicate the presence of fire, and another one was a slight lighting during the night time, thus it wasn't dark as it was supposed to be and the whole scene can still be visibly seen. The actors were both convincing as homosexuals which still portrays a "macho" image outside, in fact, I wouldn't think of them as gays until both of them show their affection for each other. Some forms of nudity and sex were shown in the entire film but were still tolerable for me as a viewer because they were short.

Background sounds give a sense of western films but were slightly modified to give a more melodramatic type of background sound. Ennis' accent was that of a Texan cowboy, and because of that, some dialogues often come out as murmurs and hard to comprehend. In editing, establishing shots of the scenes were shown first to give a sense of where the setting is, an example would be a focus on the sky first, then the mountain and then followed by an extreme long shot of the whole scenery. Some graphic match was also used as a transition from one scene to another. Discontinuity editing technique was the most apparent technique used. Examples would be the violation of the 180o perspective when the two of them were talking, jump shots from one scene to another in a different time were apparent, and crosscutting to show the real cause of Jack's death. It wasn't really disorienting at all because the film managed to come up with certain cues to give the audience an idea, like a shot of them being side by side first before violating the 180o perspective, Ennis' daughters growing up as time cues, and a narration of Jack's wife of what she knows versus the real reason of Jack's death.

The film focused on the relationship between the two men, thus, some scenes which was shown was never elaborated any further, giving me the hanging feeling of everything unresolved at the end of the film, plus the fact that the movie was an open ended one.


The movie is controversial in the sense that it tackles gender issues and the relationship between two homosexuals in particular, and how society's conventions prevented them from being together. Two differing traits of homosexuals were presented in the movie. Jack as the willing one, one who was ready to give up everything, including his married life to live with Ennis, together with his own parents. Ennis was the introvert, the one who opted to conform to the society's rules, because he was afraid of the social stigma they would receive; he was well aware that the society wouldn't accept two men living together. Until now, relationship between people of the same sex is not as readily accepted in other countries, in that instant, I knew that the film was going to be reflective on their conflicting values and beliefs.

It is ironic that cowboys were used as the representatives for homosexuals, since we are well aware that cowboys, especially in western movies, were the perfect representation for a machismo image. Still, expectations were not entirely cheated because their gender orientation seemed vague. Both men still give the impression that they also prefer women as what happened when both got married, attraction for their spouses were apparent also, with Ennis having a relationship with another woman after getting a divorce. But of course, that didn't stop them from seeing each other in Brokeback mountain, which was a special place for both of them and which for me was a symbol of unrealized dreams for the both men. The scene when Jack's father, being anti-homosexual, refused to give Ennis the ashes of Jack to be spread to Brokeback mountain as his last wish, was very reflective of the fact that until the end, everything did not work out well for them.

The society also does not approve of infidelity, and it brought about the divorce between Ennis and his wife. And because of that, many years of his life was wasted as he was struggling to support his daughter, and in the process, failed to see them grow up. The movie also showed the different dynamics of a family, each with a difficult and not ideal situation. An example was the relationship between Jack and his father-in-law; with him being difficult to get along with. Jack's wife was also the exact opposite of the ideal wife of the society, being the daughter of a rich man, the responsibility of their family business fell into her hands, thus, the unsatisfying life that their family was leading was probably the reason why Jack broke his silence and decided to contact Ennis again. For that same reason also, he became cold against his wife.

Although the movie's narrative was all about a social taboo, how two men fell in love with each other, the whole movie was still supportive of the society's values. Expectations about certain things were met; like a man being unfaithful to his wife will bring about a broken family. The film also showed how unaccepted the relationship between two men were; how their employer never hired them again, how Jack's father hated homosexuals, and how Ennis' life was shown.

The miserable life that they led, and the unhappy ending of their relationship was indicative that homosexuals could never be too happy in a kind of society where social stigma can be strong.



Ran 7:41 AM



Saturday, April 01, 2006


....[*[I dunno...]*]....

Dear Bloggie,

I know that I've neglected you and I haven't posted for about 48

years now. It's just that I was very busy and I was thinking of

committing hara-kiri already! but of course I couldn't slit myself

rectangle style, they might just chop off my head instead..

ahahaha! You See? I wasn't even in the right frame of mind!

Okie.. enough of morbid stuffs..

Let me give you brief background on how I am doing now:

1. I haven't slept enough for almost a month, If I was lucky

enough, I'd get 2-3 hrs of sleep per day

2. I looked like a zombie

3. I'm brain dead

4. I am SO agitated everyday I'd scream anytime, anywhere

5. Crying was my only way of releasing everything! worse, my

blockmates already dubbed me as a crybaby

6. Osteoporosis is on the way for carrying a laptop anytime

anywhere. worse, it might break down anytime soon

7. Meowmeow said that I need a miracle in order to finish

everything! yeah I guess so.. I'm not superwoman (I realized

finally.lolz)

I wouldn't want to disclose other stuffs, but yeah, I guess this

is the time where a person's true color is bound to be revealed,

and I hate those people! Even if they do realize what they had

just said and apologized, I still don't think I'd look at them the

same way again. Just as Sir Varona had said, or at least what I

had remembered: "You can't take back the words you said". What's

done is done! I'm really sorry, I might not treat any of them in

the same way again.


Just wanna thank ma'am Pernia for treating us all (15 of us) with

a cup of coffee and some foods at Seattle's Best just to discuss

the presentation, that was so touching! XD Although we're aware

that she has lots of money to spare, still, that was something a

normal professor wouldn't do! ^_^;;

ABOUT OUR PUBLIC PRESENTATION

Quotes:

See? I told you you're good! - Ma'am Pernia

That was a tough act to follow - Ma'am Umali

You're a very energetic class! - Ma'am Umali and Ma'am Pernia

In a span of four yrs here in masscom, this is the coolest exhibit

I've seen! *points at everything* that's good! Etc. - random cute

girl stranger

Hip hip hooray! - our class

Yes, the presentation was a success! That was a large crowd that

we have gathered.. of course we're thanking our important guests

who managed to spare time from their busy schedules to attend the

presentation.. we'd also like to thanks McDonald's for being the

food sponsor (150 chicken meals! Woah!)

Thanks to Kuya Neil too for coming and for staying until 12:30.

Thanks for sparing us a little of your time before going to your

practice. >_< and for the DOA CD too, yay! Complete songs! XD (PS:

maybe you should learn to play the violin too!) jk!

Of course I'd also like to thank each of my blockmates for

supporting each other in times of cholera.. my Goodness, before

the presentation, everything that could go wrong went wrong!

(wrong tarp layout , 3 tarps all in all, wrong press kit ) what a

waste of money.. but of course, we worked together instead of

blaming each other so everything went out well..

But of course, one big thanks goes out to meow meow!!! Thanks for

listening to me everyday, even though I know you're sick of

hearing me cry every single night, lolz and for lending me your

laptop... you saved my life! Heheh! I promise I'll buy another

laptop this summer so that your RO bots won't be put on hold too!

^_^v peace!

I felt that heaven and earth has been lifted upon my shoulder

after the presentation.. you see, it was the biggest burden of

all.. all my subjects, activities and life were put on hold

because of that, sleep became the unreachable dream for me during

those times. >_< but it was worth it!

"No more tears!" - Rai
------------ you bet!!!

There was one thing I'm frustrated though, for 3 agonizing weeks,

we were working on the analysis, scripts, presentation,

powerpoint, exhibits, all the hardships, pain, tears, screams,

were all condensed into a three hour presentation.. Just like

that, it ended! >_< Life is still not fair...

But I'm still happy, coz now my life goes back to normal.. I can

finally move on! As a proof, I've already encoded my work, 56

content analysis forms down, 144 websites more to content analyze

and encode!!! Weee! Not bad huh? >_< and I'll finally update my DA

and fanfic.. yeah! >_<

For next week I have 3 exams, Commres175-Management , Sociology

101 and Film 100.. Gee!

Two final papers too.. one full blown paper for a Gender Discourse

on Anime (we'll be using a quanti-quali method. I hope we could

finish that by weekend) and one case study for management.. ahahah

But I'm currently not that bitter! I swear! >_<

And for that, I'm formally ending this letter to you my dear

bloggie. I'm sorry it was so long, just felt like I have to tell

you everything.. thanks for listening! ^_^

And to you dear reader who had the patience to read this.. many

thanks to you too! MWAH! Till next time! ^_^

Again..THANKS to Ma'am Pernia for treating us.. weee! 3 domino's

pizza.. waaaaaahhh! we love you maam! She told us that until

today.. so many people were congratulating her.. >_<

I'll update my artworks next week.. wee!



Ran 8:43 AM


Music


these are some of my favorite songs.. more songs to be uploaded soon..

The Webmistress

made the doll in such a way that it looked sorta like me.. plus the pink outfit.. gah! Meet my counterpart.. PORKY! ^^

Name: Rosalin Angeli C. Merez

Age: 19

School: UP Diliman

Course: CommRes ^^

Hobbies: Drawing, singing, PLAYING RPGs (you know, the ff series, and yeah! online games! woohoo! hooray for ragnarok!), collecting anime and cutesy stuffs, shoes.. lots of em, cosplaying, instrument: piano, tinkering weblayouts, fanfic writing

Loves

meowmeow! pink.. chocolates (ESP. Cadbury Hazelnuts).. almost anything.. lolz jk! well..the best way to bribe me is through my stomach and sweet tooth XD

Hates

posers, people who think they're high and mighty, backstabbers, gooey stuffs, blood and gore

Email

sorceress_ran@yahoo.com

That's about it I guess... (for now..)

err yeah.. please visit my DA too! look for the link below.. thanks!

Linkage

Meowmeow

My Livejournal

Patchie

Ikay

Wena

Rai

Buddy Cams

Jennie

Jais

Recivall

Angeli

Arthur / Nurikane

Leklek

Mitch

Joycee

Nagi

My lil bro



Tag!



Archives

Just click 'em to see my past entries ^_^

April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
June 2007

My adopted Pet

adopt your own virtual pet!
Click on it three times and see what will happen! ^^ then spray or feed it by clicking the link below the pig which says "more" ^^



Photos

updating my photo album.. link will be posted soon. ^^

t_RANCE singing group link (which includes me.. hehe) just click on the image ^^

just click whatever folder you want to see.. msg: new uploads always... lolz



Visitors

Blog tracker

Want to link me?

U can use this image.. ^_^



Fanlistings